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Dealing With a Breakup Or Divorce

Perhaps one of the most difficult aspects of human life is dealing with a breakup. This is the time when your mind can go absolutely “bananas” with all the old memories that come up, thoughts of her with a new guy, tossing and turning in bed at night with the guilt of past mistakes and trying to figure it out exactly what went wrong.

Then we begin the arduous task of comparing each memory and classifying them in terms of “that was my mistake” versus “that was definitely his fault,” and of course, occasionally those two categories tend to reverse – yes, where are you going? , “Wait! I think that was actually my problem, not his… no, wait, actually, we both screwed up…” and every now and then the mind says that it’s all “the my fault.” ..

…Next come insecurities about your own attractiveness, social worth, loveability, and you can’t help but wonder, “What does his new guy have that I don’t?”… Of course, then the mind can distort your self-image to make you seem truly unlovable, despicable, and evil. Embarrassing, really. The mistakes you’ve made can become so out of proportion that you look like Hitler. And she looks like a goddess who can do no harm. Then it turns the other way around again, where she looks like the bad guy and you look like the victim.

What’s going on with the mind?

“Victim/perpetrator consciousness” is inherent in the ego/mind structure, which sees everything in dualistic “black or white” terms. Secretly, he wants to be seen as “right” about everything so he can “win” arguments, gain approval, and “feel good” again.

It can all be very confusing, and the mind is like a walking, talking contradiction and a real hypocrite by design. It is not reliable; something more is needed to discover the truth. Having emerged from the animal kingdom over vast stretches of time, the ego is basically a dinosaur with intellect.

Dino has had it easy. They had no conscience to deal with! They didn’t exactly suffer from the loss of personal love. They could go out and kill all day, come home and not worry about it. Life must have been pretty good.

Breakups and related pain, confusion, agony and suffering are due to ignorance of the truth. Whenever we don’t know the truth, we feel pain, and whenever we discover the truth, we discover healing. The truth is like medicine. Forgive your mind for this agony and pain. It’s just doing what it’s “supposed” to do. It’s just an animal; don’t count on it to solve all your problems, and don’t look to it for help with Love. For love, you have to go further.

Getting over the pain of a breakup requires realizing that, in reality, love can never be lost in the same way that gravity can never be lost. But it takes training and dedication to discover the true Source of Love and Happiness that is within us and around us at every moment without exception.

Trying to solve a Love problem intellectually will not get us far. Love is one thing and intellect is another. The mind is great for helping you solve math and computer problems, but when it comes to women and relationships you will never succeed while looking to the mind for answers. This is a spiritual fact. The intellect operates from the presumption of “cause” and “effect,” but love is a cause; it has no cause. Love simply is. Love simply exists. Continuously. The mind simply has to be taught where to look.

When the Source of Love is discovered within, there is no pain it cannot heal; there are no worldly problems that can’t be taken off your hands for you. Kindness on your inner path.

many blessings,

Stephane Hemon

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