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Parenting Tips & Tricks: A Way For Your Child To Open Up
Admit it, you’ve lied to your parents before, in one way or another. Now, you are looking for a way to break the chain, so that your child knows that you are here not to scold but to understand. It is not easy to communicate effectively with a young child, teenager or teenager.
What can you do about it? Why is it difficult for a child to tell his parents everything? Well, ask yourself this question. Why you can’t tell your parents about your frustrations at school, get drunk at a party until 3am, and the list goes on.
Is it because you think they wouldn’t understand your situation? Or maybe there is no foundation of trust and openness? Well, in a few minutes you will know more.
Importance of communication
Communication is the ability to send and receive information. People cannot live without communication because it is a way for an individual to feel part of a group. In this case, the most important group is the family unit. Because?
The family is the first group to which a child is exposed. A unit that informs an individual about right and wrong ways of behaving while identifying their wants and needs. A family can also be said to be comparable to a football team where the parents are the coach while the children are the players.
“Mom, I have to go to the basketball event on Friday,” Samantha said as she clasped her hands together and grunted nervously.
In the scenario, you can identify two types of communication: verbal and non-verbal.
verbal it focuses on what you say. Samantha told her mother about an event on a Friday night, and this is what she wants her mother to understand.
non verbal it’s the action you show. When Samantha sought her mother’s approval, she showed nervousness in her gestures. What does it mean? You can interpret it as her being nervous that her mom might not approve or she has something to hide.
Between these two, which do you think is the best and most effective? Studies have shown that non-verbal communication can show the real side of an individual. Verbal can be manipulated, but non-verbal is like a clue to what a person is really feeling.
How to communicate effectively?
Effective communication shouldn’t be strained, it’s better to flow freely without rules or limitations. There are 5 steps to effectively communicating with your children.
- Make it a habit
Just like rules, it’s important to teach your child the behaviors you want them to have when they’re old enough. Before taking action, think about whether it will be good in the long run.
Getting into the habit of sitting down and having a conversation with your child is great practice for effective communication. How can you create this simple activity? You and your family can have dinner while you talk about your day. Or maybe, take weekly outings with your child.
- Be interested
One of the reasons kids don’t say it is because they think it will bore you. Show interest by putting your phone away and looking at them with curious eyes.
The perfect example is when as soon as they get home, you can ask how their day went. Or maybe, if they tell you something, make sure you pay attention and remember it.
- Stop being embarrassed
Comparing your child to other children is not the best option. Not only do you make your child feel like they are not “good enough” for you, but you always create a boundary for the child to open up to.
Instead of saying, “Kate can fold and make her bed all the time, why not?”. you should say “Amanda, once you’re an adult you’ll have to make your bed. What better way to practice than now!”.
- Avoid threats
Are you the type of parent who says, “You better not be out drinking and partying just because your curfew is at 12 at night! Well, it’s fine to warn your child, but that’s not the best way to do it
An alternative is to let your child be aware of the dangers of going out unsupervised with children his age.
- Help and guide
Being a parent does not mean that your sole responsibility is to pay for your child’s education and needs. You also need to look for ways to guide your child on the right path.
Studies have found that it is human nature to build a wall when a person feels threatened. This is especially the cure when your child scolds.
What you can do is suggest ways to solve a problem. This way, your child will not only feel that their parents care, but will be willing to lend a helping hand. Even in, as little as homework or assignments.
The nature of children
A child expresses in words and shows in action, but is often conflicted. They cover up what they really want to say. Because? Parents tend to assume the worst of their children. “No! It’s too dangerous. What if—”this is why children choose to distrust what their parents have to say.
So why do children hide their feelings and thoughts instead of telling their parents? If you’ve been through this yourself, wondered why you did the same to your parents, you need to know the answer!
The child can:
You’re afraid you won’t be able to understand it.
Children may think that once they tell you about their worries and feelings, all they will get is a loud laugh or a scolding. This is a sign of avoiding shame.
Think you know how it feels.
Some children realize that you may have been through the same dilemma. Once they tell you, you may know too much how it feels and all they want to do is keep you from worrying.
You want to handle it alone.
There are children who want to be independent, they think they don’t need help from an adult. Also, to show that they are able to choose a decision “as an adult”.
There are four types of children:
Go with the flow
A child who does not make a decision when there is no problem. It’s the same as studying an hour before an exam.
Competition is what motivates the child, they love the feeling of debating or winning. These kids choose to join contests or simply score high in a test.
Those who cannot follow the developmental stages of an individual. It may take time for them to adjust, but once they do, it will be easier for them. Never pressure children to learn something they are not yet capable of.
A child can be a mixture of everything. Sometimes a kid might be good at math, but hate science.
How to create a strong bond
Creating a strong bond doesn’t happen overnight. Most parents resort to domineering parenting that makes children uncomfortable. There is a strong bond when both parent and child take care to understand/consider each other’s feelings.
Five principles for a strong parent-child relationship:
“It’s okay, you can start over. But this time, I’ll help you learn the subject so you won’t fail the next test!”, Andi’s mom exclaimed.
Accept this fact, your child is unique comparing him to another is not applicable. Every child is capable of learning, no matter how fast or slow. Some parents say to their children, “When I was your age, I could do…” they stop making these remarks.
“Something’s bothering you. Do you want to talk about it?”
Spending time with your child is essential. Having a strong bond means being able to be with your child. Even if you work all day, dedicate a few minutes of your time. A strong bond won’t flourish if you don’t talk to each other.
Doubting your child means you won’t give them much freedom. If you think you’re doing the right thing, think again. Trust is vital in any kind of relationship, without it you will be restless and paranoid.
Your child is aware when you doubt him. What they will do is reassure you and not tell everything.
“Fear will get you nowhere, it’s better to try and fail than not try at all.”
A parent must be there at times when their child does not believe in himself. Play the role of a cheerleader, keep motivating and reasoning the positive factors of failure.
A child needs the warmth of its mother to survive. Every child needs reassurance from their parents, a simple pat or hug is enough to make your child feel safe.
Studies have found that children who had more physical contact with their parents are more likely to have high self-esteem and pride than those who did not.
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