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Celebrity Survivor: The Key to Unlocking the Mysteries of Reality Television

Reality television is being shoved down the throats of each and every American television viewer on a godforsaken day. And yet we continue to observe with smiling and unwavering truthfulness. Is this because we are stupid? Well, yes, probably. But there’s another, much easier-to-swallow explanation for our life-changing addiction to reality TV: We all generally love people. Now this may seem obvious to some and completely ridiculous to others (those who actively hate people, like my tenth grade math teacher), but it’s fundamentally true. Being human, we identify more with other real humans. And, on reality shows like Survivor, it’s undeniable that the contestants are real, live humans. Now that reality television has infiltrated what was once the universally fictional land of television, viewers are now stuck. We can’t go back and (probably) never will.

The reason we all crave human interaction (as opposed to scripted interaction) these days is because where scripted characters have become predictable, humans are especially unpredictable. In scripted drama, the good guy wins 99.9% of the time. In reality shows, the bad guy wins, the good guy wins, the hot girl wins, the gay guy wins, and sometimes even the really boring person wins; just watch survivor. Who knows.

With that in mind, I had an idea: What if (and I’ll admit this is a pretty weird hypothetical) CBS created a celebrity season of Survivor, but with all the famous actors playing versions of their most famous screen persona. Now, I wouldn’t expect flawless method acting. The strategic decisions they make in-game should not be made by “their character”. However, they should interact as their “character” with others as well as the camera.

This survivor would create a far more enlightening sociological experiment than this year’s racially segregated version; it would question our motives for watching reality TV, call into question any notion that reality show contestants are “real,” and possibly tear apart my (admittedly weak) thesis in the first paragraph. If the Survivors we know are “acting” end up being as attractive or (gasp) even more so than normal people, what would that say about past incarnations of Survivor (or any other reality show)? Although (as evidenced in the first paragraph) I would like to believe that humans are perceptive in our enjoyment of reality television, it is possible that we are being manipulated much more than previously thought.

I think we all like to see human interaction and conflict, but what happens when we know it’s not (completely) real? I guess we know that now; everyone agrees that shows are creatively edited. However, we still like to think that people are essentially real and therefore their interactions, opinions and decisions are entirely our own. What happens when this, outwardly, is not the case? Through the prism of fictional characters portrayed by well-known celebrities, how would any conflict that arises be consumed by the viewing public? If we enjoy this quasi-fictional conflict as much as the typical Survivor conflict, does that mean that the realism of reality television is not only overrated, but unnecessary?

If Celebrity Survivor turns out to be the way I envision it (which it never, ever will be), it would do a lot to help us understand why we love reality TV. Is it simply drama packaged in a new and exciting way? Or does the fact that the people are real really add to the viewers’ enjoyment and sense of connection?

I still can’t decide if reality TV is good or bad for us, but until then I’ll just keep watching Survivor and rooting for the villain.

-Oscar Dahl/BuddyTV

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