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The Five Golden Rules To Tinder
Internet dating sucks. I’ve heard a lot of men say this line to me, and it’s usually guys who haven’t been on a date in months who say it. I understand that if you don’t get love online, the first thing to blame is the entire world wide web, but just like we can’t blame the entire chicken industry for a bad chicken leg at KFC, we can’t blame the internet for our dates. evils. It’s only one person’s fault. YOU
Tinder IS the best dating app since…well, forever. My friends and I have never had so many dates in such a short amount of time with little to no effort. The great thing about Tinder is that it essentially allows you to “speed date”, match a girl, have a little banter back and forth, and get a date. Yes, not every girl will say yes to your request for a romantic evening under the stars, but they’re on Tinder for a reason, and if they’ve passed you by, they’re already considering meeting you. So, without further ado, let me break down the five golden rules of Tinder so you too can enjoy the benefits that Tinder offers so many men.
1.) 5 good photos: Now guys, I am NOT talking about mirror selfies, or shirtless selfies. Please delete them from your phone immediately. This would be great if you were on Grinder, but luckily for men, the female of our species isn’t looking for a six pack online. She can find it any day and anywhere. Photos need to be clear, so at least an iPhone 6, but I suggest a better camera than that. You need a face photo, a full body photo, a photo of you enjoying an activity and just showing how amazing your life is. I would also suggest not having pictures of you drunk and hanging out with some girls. Some guys will take pictures of them surrounded by girls in a nightclub. This just seems to try. Just show up with some friends, in fancy situations, looking like a cool guy. end of story Selfies are a big NO NO. Oh, and no pictures of your…manhood, no matter how impressive you think you are.
2.) The opening line: OK, delete the following line from memory “Hey, how are you?” NEVER!!! Say that line again. Do you realize how many matches a pretty girl can have in a day? And you’re opening with the most boring, generic, mundane line ever. Put on girl shoes for a moment. He’s jumped on Tinder. Probably because she is bored and a little curious. Most girls will just play it like a video game, with no intention of ever meeting anyone, so the only way to communicate with these girls is to MAKE IT FUN. Make it rhetorical and don’t ask any questions. You can answer if you want, if not, who cares. It should be without need, without care and seem like a simple expression of the wonder that radiates through you. Here are some of my favorite opening lines.
1. Because of your witty and creative phrase, I feel that maybe you lack some magic and spice in your day, so I offer you the opportunity to make your day better with the presence of my awesomeness.
2. (Insert name here) I think you need to make a confession…
3. I am currently trying on a variety of outfits for my costume party tonight. I’m thinking Batman, but then again, the redness of Superman’s underwear makes my eyes pop.
4. I had the strangest day today. I woke up thinking it was Saturday, but quickly realized it was (insert day here). Luckily, I’m fast and got to work on time.
You can see that all these opening lines have one thing in common. They tell me that I don’t care, that I don’t take myself too seriously, that I’m a happy guy, that I make it fun, and that I’m probably a pretty cool guy too.
3.) Get offline quickly: The world of Tinder moves fast, just like the real world moves fast. Women are emotional creatures and once they stop feeling, they start to forget. You might be awesome on Monday, but by Tuesday you might be completely forgotten if you don’t stay fresh in their mind. That’s why you have to become a real person as fast as you can. Tinder should just be the meeting and opening method. After that you have to get out of line as fast as you can. Get this phone number in 4-6 messages. Make it fun, fun, fun, fun and then say the next sentence.
“Hey, I gotta go. I have lives to inspire. Maybe you’re not a jerk or a bully. I am. Give me your number and maybe I’ll text you.”
4.) Get the first meeting fast: My advice is to do it for that night. But I understand that some people may have to work weeknights, so you may have to wait a bit. But get it as soon as possible, and once a day until the meeting, send a funny message to keep it fresh in the girl’s mind. Remember, the woman follows her emotions, keep giving her emotion, and she will remind you, the moment you become bored, goodbye to your gentle lord.
5.) Don’t bite off more than you can chew: This may be a quality issue. But once you’ve done steps 1-4, this can become a problem. If you start matching too much and start talking too much, you can actually start getting nothing. “The person who chases two rabbits catches neither
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