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How to Increase Self Esteem
The purpose of this article is to create awareness on how to increase self-esteem. People with low self-esteem create a STORY in their mind related to low self-esteem.
Let’s be clear: you were born worthy of high self-esteem. You only have to look at children to see how they self-direct. You didn’t convince your parents to love you when you were young: you were born as an expression of their love for each other.
In cases where children are abandoned, there is a greater spiritual message to be gained. I’ve seen these people create wonderful lives for themselves, and in doing so, impact others along the way. Their abandonment paved the way for their eventual success as leaders in their community.
There are no accidents in the universe. You may unknowingly perceive them as such. Appreciating the small role you play in orchestrating the universe, you realize that the true meaning of everything that happens in your life is for your highest good.
Below is a list of inaccurate beliefs about self-worth that you have created as a result of your life experiences. Over time, you assign meaning to them by replaying them in your mind. They serve as a comfortable friend that you know too well. As a result, you adopt them as an aspect of your character. They are:
- I will never amount to anything.
- I am not worthy of receiving love.
- I am not worthy of love.
- I am not worthy to love others.
- I am not worthy of success.
- I am not worthy of receiving money and success.
- I am not worthy to receive.
This mind chatter alters the inner landscape of your thoughts by influencing your subconscious mind. Over time you accept these thoughts as fixed beliefs about your identity. My goal in writing this article is to advise you on how to recognize and shift your inner dialogue to a more conducive state of mind.
If left unchecked, low self-esteem has a cascade of ripple effects in your life. It creeps up on you and quietly dumps you into situations you might not expect. Relationships and career are two main areas where there is direct influence.
You may be involved in a romantic relationship only to discover feelings of resentment and self-worth. These thoughts convince you that you are not good enough to be with this person or that you cannot meet their romantic expectations. Subsequently, you find yourself embroiled in arguments with your loved one as a result of the mental programs you accepted
The hidden meaning behind low self-esteem is self-realization and acceptance. It is the journey to unconditional love; despite your insecurities and past mistakes. When you accept and love yourself, you allow others to do the same. You give permission for others to love you unconditionally. Create a space filled with love, kindness and respect, thus honoring your true nature.
The first step in revealing your unconscious beliefs is through self-examination. It’s worth making a caveat that at some point you may want to seek help and/or guidance from a trained therapist who knows the area well. Often there is only so much inner self-examination possible without the help of an outside authority. A trained therapist is able to see aspects of your repressed self that you are not trained to see.
Self-examination does not have to be a critical process. You are not obligated to judge yourself or others, but to look back through a window in time and simply observe. Notice when the belief related to your self-esteem started. Was it during childhood, adolescence or adulthood? Who was involved in the scene? Was it a loved one or a respected authority?
Again, look at the main actors in the scene and notice the feelings that arise. Become aware of where these feelings are emanating from within your body and “be” with them; do not fight or resist them. They are advising you on how to surrender them, in order to free yourself from the inaccurate belief you formed.
I personally find it helpful to write these beliefs down on paper during this process. Let your mind be at peace by going with whatever comes up. Do not resist any thoughts that arise. You are not labeling thoughts in this moment: you are simply a passenger on your way to ultimate freedom. Ask yourself if the belief is true in your life today?
Some of the beliefs could be framed as follows. I have italicized the inaccurate beliefs:
- My father called me It would never amount to anything when I did something wrong.
- I’ve never been great at sports at school and he compared me to other children
- My high school teacher told me I wasn’t good at math and i would never enter university.
- My mother was always critical of those I chose to socialize with as a teenager. She felt I could do better.
Once you’ve gone through this process, you should feel lightness throughout your body, as if a weight had been lifted from your shoulders. Your work is done when the thought no longer brings you the pain it once did. Sometimes you have to dig deep to uncover the belief that may be hiding deep within another unconscious belief. Keep digging until you uncover the thought related to your feelings.
The final process is to write a new story related to the outdated belief. The new story aims to replace the old belief with an empowerment history of thought. The unconscious mind readily accepts what the conscious mind believes with conviction. With that in mind (pardon the pun) make the new story believable so that it is easily and effortlessly adopted. It is of little use to create a belief around an unattainable goal or purpose, ie I’m a billionaire now.
Here are examples of what the new beliefs might be:
- I am open and receptive to loving myself deeply and completely. In doing so, I give permission for others to love me in the same way.
- I have nothing to prove to others except to accept myself unconditionally.
- No one has the power to reject me.
- No one is allowed to call me unworthy. Everything begins and ends with me
Repeat these affirmations often until you feel comfortable with them; you will know when you feel a powerful energy rising from within. Personally, when I affirm a powerful belief, a tingle radiates up my spine.
So, to summarize, in order to increase self-esteem, work through the following principles until the new belief is cemented in your mind:
1. Do a regular self-examination of the thought or belief.
2. Notice the thoughts that arise. Do not enter into a dialogue with them.
3. Challenge the belief by asking whether the statements are true.
4. Notice if there is resistance to the belief you are challenging.
5. Notice in your body where you feel the resistance.
6. Create a new set of beliefs that are in harmony with your mind and body.
Be diligent and consistent with the process. In some cases there will be deep buried emotions that you may not want to dig up. They can trigger repressed feelings that you may not want to face. For this reason, it is important that you undertake this process when you are ready and willing to do the work.
It is comforting to know that once you undertake this process, you will no longer be a victim of your past. You will have freed yourself from unhealthy emotions that do nothing to leverage your personal growth. Be patient and kind to yourself during the process.
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